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[17 Dec 2003|08:44pm] |
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Okay, what is it about the holidays that makes you eat so much???? Gah, I freakin binged out today!
Today's Intake
Breakfast: 2 cookies
lunch: 1 bag of chips and a granola bar
dinner: 1 eggwhite, 4 freakin' pieces of corn bread, and some sauercrout
snack: chocolate chip cookie
I wonder how many calories are in all of that....?
Oh my god, my teacher colored for me today! I went in her classroom this morning...just like every morning...and I saw that she had a coloring book, so I was like 'ms.hamilton...I want to color!' and she said 'you know where the colored pencils are' lol, so I went and got them and colored a santa...then I was almost done and only had to color the skin, but I grabbed the wrong color and made him a Mexican! So I gave it to her anyways and wrote Merry Christmas on it and she hung it up. Then during her class, we had nothing to do except decorate her walls with christmas ribbon, so she colored a picture, then came over to my desk and gave it to me!!!! haha, i was so happy! I'm going to hang it on my wall!
Mmhmm, yeah..I have to get her a christmas present tonight and give it to her tomorrow.
AH, I rode magic today! He was super! haha and I didnt fall off today! Whoo! I really really want him, but I doubt we're going to buy him... we don't have enough money.. but oh well, leasing is good enough.
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[16 Dec 2003|07:54pm] |
Meeeeeeh. exams suck.
I went in this morning to see what I made on my spanish exam, and I made a 67. I thought I would have done really good on that one too. So yeah, I left his room and went into my geography class to start studying and instead of studying I cried. :( Mmhmm. it was sad. Then I came home today and looked at my grades online and found out I made a 69 on my IPC exam. My mom doesn't nkow yet though, and she's not going to till report cards come out.
There is one good thing going on though. and surprisingly enough, it's at the barn. We got this new, absolutely gorgeous,horse named Magic. He's HUGE I mean...like 18 hands huge. He's an absolutely gorgeous light bay with four white feet and a loooong black mane and tail. So the thing with sir didn't work out because it turns out they sold him for 25,000. So I start riding Magic and this little girl, Quin, starts riding Sugar with Alexa. Quin and Alexa asked if they could half lease sugar together and we said yes. So debbie asked if we wanted to lease or buy Magic! We're probably going to just half lease him with someone else because he's a little weird. He doesn't trot square and stuff....but he fits me perfect in size. So yeah, Brandi has a new horse! Mmhmm.
And brandi weighs 109/110...so I'm very very happy with that. *le sigh* I have my algebra exam tomorrow..and i haven't studied...so I am leaving now. G'day
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[11 Dec 2003|03:34pm] |
My momma made me stay home from school today. I woke up and told her that my throat hurt, then i got ready to go. I was allll ready and she was like 'I dont think you should go to school' I asked her why and she was all 'because you get strep so easily and if someone there has it you'll catch it and I dont wanna pay a doctor bill' lol I wasn't gonna argue, i watned to go back to sleep.
So now I'm bout to go to the barn for a little while, then I have to come home and get ready to go to my Christmas Party. They're gonna have lots of food there though...so I have to be careful.
On that note, my scale says 111 and I am forced to believe it's wrong with how much i've been eating after that day I didnt eat at all.
I'm reading this super good book, And I Don't Want to Live This Life. Sarah is letting me borrow it. 'Tis sad.
That's all I got right now *lol*
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[09 Dec 2003|08:02pm] |
I havent eaten a single thing today and I feel awsome! I took a stacker after I got home from choir rehersal today, so I'm all energised and stuph.
So, my day:
Woke up and went to school
After school, went to choir practice
gave amanda and her dad a ride home
went to Mervins
went to Wal*Mart
came home, took a stacker
played on the internet for a while
and now I'm here
Such a boring day!
But yep, madrical dinner is Saturday and I have a dress rehersal Friday, so I wont be on much this weekend. So tomorrow I have to work at the barn, and Thursday I can only work till 5:30 cus I have a christmas party to go to. Then Friday I can't go to the barn cus I have my concert thing. Saturday I'm going to work from 8-3 and then I'll go home and start getting ready.
And now I can't think of anything else to say
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[07 Dec 2003|06:50pm] |
I have two new goals:
1.) No more cokes...at least for 2 weeks
and
2.) Only weigh myself on Fridays and Mondays.
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[07 Dec 2003|04:27pm] |
EEEEEEEP!!!!
Me and Dani went shoppin' at the mall today and got all our christmas stuff done and yeah..whoo, that was fun.
But then we went to Wal*Mart and bough Stackers 2. We got a really weird look, it was kinda funny. I'm happy :) Now I'm glad I didn't go to Houston, cus if I did, I wouldn't have gotten the stackers.
Rawr.
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[06 Dec 2003|10:58pm] |
Eh, things are lookin' a bit better. But not much.
I had the most busy day today! I woke up at 11...me and Ashton just messed around until she went home at 12. hm...then I went with my mom to PetSmart to pick up her dogs from their grooming. Got home about 2 hours later cus I made her go look at the adoption kitties that I want for Christmas. We dropped off the nasty pugs and left for Wal*Mart. We got some silk flowers and stuff for my concert, but they didnt have the shoes, so we went across the street to Super Target...and they didn't have them either. So we left and went to ChikFilA and ate. it was yummy. Then we went home and got my beagle and her pugs and went to the Country Store to have their pictures taken with santa! (lol my moms idea) it was really funny cus my dog was too fat to sit in santas lap. mmhmm. Then we went home and Dani came over and we've been doing abolutely nothing.
My mommy bought me new running clothes :) She bought me a sports bra, a new running shirt, some running pants and a jacket to match them! Made my day! I luff my mommy.
Sometimes.
But yeah, when we were at Wal*Mart, I saw Stackers. So Dani and me are gonna walk there tomorrow morning after church to buy some. Or at least try to.
I made more icons. I like them. *nods*
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| death just sounds so much better every day |
[04 Dec 2003|07:36pm] |
I dont think anybody could ever understand how fucking pissed off I am.
Last night, Debbie and I were sitting in the office figuring out how much this show was going to cost us. We tallied up all of the numbers and crap and it was $650. We were fine with that cus my parents were going to split the cost. But then she says 'oh, and the NTASHA show, your dad still hasn't paid for that, it's 350. So 650 and 350 equals 970.' Well I knew my dad had that money and was going to pay for it sooner or later, so I wasn't worried UNTIL she said 'and I need it before I take your horse to this show.' SHe told me this Wenesday night and the show starts Friday morning. So I have a day to come up with the money. Oh yeah debbie, let me just pull that out of the couch! My fucking god! Did she make anyone else pay before the show? NO! Only fucking me. That bitch can rot in hell for all I care. I dont even know if I want to do this horse shit anymore. the people are frusturating and we dont have enough money to do it and it's just so stressful. I don't know...it's not even that I'm pissed about not being able to go. I'm just mad because she waited until the day before to tell me. And she damn well knew it too!
THEN while I'm at Chilies with Anne today, Debie calls me and asks where my mom is and why she isn't answering the phone and all that crap. I told her I didnt know and hung up. So when I came home I asked my mom what debbie had called for. SHe said she called her crying because she'd 'never had to tell a child that they couldn't show before and that when she hugged me and talked to me today I wouldnt look at her' Well no fucking shit! I wonder how fucking long it took her to work up those tears cus she sure as hell didn't care that I couldnt go when I saw her today.
Gah I fucking hate my barn!
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[02 Dec 2003|08:34pm] |
I'm bo0o0o0ored.
I don't know if I did good or bad today....I had a piece of pizza (yuck!), peanuts, a couple of butter cookies, and french fries (purged most of those). I'm back up to 113..but that's not as bad as I have been. I'm getting better about restricting though, so it's okay.
I did the stupidest thing though, I cut again...and I have to wear a bathing suit on friday. Can we say retard? hm..I can!
I have a show in Houston this weekend. I get to skip school on Friday cus we're leaving at 4 in the morning to get there by 10. After we get there we're gonna go to Galveston...then back to Houston and I'll show on Saturday and SUnday. It'll be fun cus not many people are going...
We've got this all worked out at our barn now! see: Sarah rides this horse, Sir. My trainer, Debbie, wants me to show sir but sarah wont give him up. Rachel has a horse, Scooby, that she's trying to sell. Denise is half leasin my horse, Sugar, and she wants to move on to better horses. Alexa needs a nicer horse to ride. Anne never rides her EXTREMELY nice horse.
So!: Sarah is going to lease Scooby. I'm going to show Sir. Alexa is going to lease Sugar. Denise is going to lease Cody. Rachel is going to show her other horse, Bea! Whoo! We got it all figured out to where I can show sir! Squee! But that's going to start next show season after this last show Friday. ::lol:: Can't wait!
Alright, I'm off!
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[30 Nov 2003|10:22pm] |
I'm only going to make a short update about my time in Arkansas because I have to go pretty soon, but maybe later I'll go into detail.
Basically:
I watched a deer get gutted
I ate like a fucking cow
I watched Ashton hang all over this guy
I read a huge book in 2 days
I lost extremely bad at poker
and I just wanted to walk home.
Yep, that was it...no fun at all.
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[26 Nov 2003|04:50pm] |
It's almost 5 and I still havent packed anything for Arkansas. I'm leaving at 8 tonight. lol. Oh well....
Stupid Dani was supposed to come over today but nooooo she never does what she says she's going to because she's a stupid selfish bitch. Gah, she pisses me off so bad! Like today, I called her at 10 and she said she would be at the barn in an hour and a half, so I wait for her ass until one fucking thirty. Yeah, i didnt get to ride my horse cus I was waiting to ride with her. Then she was supposed to come over so we could have an early thanksgiving with cheerio's and Finding Nemo..and we've had this planned for like 2 weeks now. But nooooooooooooo, stupid bitch won't answer her fucking phone. And I know for a fact that when she does answer her phone, she'll tell me "my mom won't let me go...my sisters being a bitch..." ya de da, she goes on and on about her fucking family.
Meh. I ate 2 handfulls of popcorn, chocolate covered almonds, broccoli and cheese, and ice cream today. How gross can I get? I mean really, I told you that 111 wouldn't last. I'm too scared to weigh myself. I don't think I'm going to....i dont want to spoil my mood even more before I leave.
But I seriously should get packing. Have a good Thanksgiving!
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[25 Nov 2003|09:36pm] |
I never started my packing because I realised that I had no clean clothes to wear...so they're all in the washer right now.
I am so worried about Thanksgiving. I mean, it's a whole fucking day for eating gagging! And I'll be with my friend in arkansas, so I'm going to have to eat and it is going to suck ass because I am finally down to a stedy 111. God, when I get back I'm sure I'll be 120.
I havent gotten to sleep in once this break. Seriously, I've had to wake up for work every morning at 8:30! That's only an hour later than when I normally wake up.
God I cant get these fucking earrings out of my ears! They're those hoop kinds that dont have an actual clasp thing at the end, you just kind of slide it in a super duper small and rusted hole! haha and it's soooo hard to get out! I quit...they can stay in.
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[25 Nov 2003|05:19pm] |
hehe, I get to go to Arkansas Thursday!
squee, I went to see Uptown Girls for the second time yesterday. Ashton came with me and she cried :( lol it's the saddest movie!
Eh, my god! I went to zachs house today and like...fucking every five fucking seconds he wanted to make out! lol it was great...made me laugh....cus we were on his parents bed and yeah. Whoo, fun times.
I gotta pack, I havent done that yet....so adios till' sunday!
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[22 Nov 2003|03:07pm] |
oops...haven't updated in a really long time..
lets see....Thursday we had our choir concert. It was awsome except that the freakin' A Capella choir sang a 30 minute song in all Latin! Yeah..I was under the AC the whole time! Eep, that was cold!
Then on Friday all I did was worked at the barn
and today I worked at the barn again...hm..much fun. But yes, We drew for our annual secret santas. I got this little cute 7 yr. old, Brenna. She is sooo adorable!
ah, I have to go get ready to watch Kylie sing at the Opry..I'll update later!
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[19 Nov 2003|10:19pm] |
dude, you know how bad it sucks when three people in one day tell you that you have gained weight and you look so good? My god, I swear if one more person had said that to me I would have slapped them!
Stephanie came up to me and was all 'wow, your starting to look normal'
me:and normal means.....?
steph: you were all bony and crap and now you've gained weight
me: okay.....
lol yeah, that was it...but two other people also did that today and I came home and just moped...it's better than crying which I normally would have done.
So I have a choir concert tomorrow...whoop de doo *sarcasm* I hate choir. I would have quit by now if amber wasn't in that class. gah, ms.newby sucks!! rawr
now I'm off to burn cd's
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[17 Nov 2003|10:07pm] |
Eep! I had a fun weekend!
Me and Ambria basically hung out all weekend. We went to go see Brother Bear and it was so freakin' sad! :(
I have new plans for Thanksgiving. me and Ashton are going to Jacksonville (I think that's in florida) on thanksgiving and then the next day we're going to arkansas to visit our family :) I think it'll be fun
Yeah, so Ambria has started using her journal! that makes me happy!
that was a pointless entry...
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[14 Nov 2003|08:52pm] |
Gaaaaah!
Boys suck.
My mom and sister and brother in law and friend are all sitting out in the living room watching Ghost Ship and I'm sitting in here all alone...
I do that a lot now, isolate myself from people...they just get me all jumpy and paranoid and crap.
I have a choir concert on Thursday...shall be fun. I wish I could go to ambers compotition this weekend but I dont think people are allowed to go..lol, I dont know.
But yeah, lets see....December 5,6,and 7th, I'm gonna be in Houston. I gots a horse show...I'm kinda forced to go cus I'm defending my championship title and yeah...
God, me and my friends have just drifted so far apart. I mean me and Dani are closer than ever, I love her so much it's unreal. Me and Amber, I dont know...I try to talk to her, she still my absolute best friend, but we just dont get to talk much anymore, I mean..she's never even seen my house. Me and sarah are just yeah, I dont really know about her either...and me and Ashton dont ever talk anymore.
It's so sad because I have no one to talk to anymore, when I cry myself to sleep every night, theres no one that I can talk to about everything because I dont want to bother them with my problems.
I dont konw, but I need to go clean my room super bad.
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[13 Nov 2003|09:39pm] |
My boyfriend (or shall I say ex) is a prick. He calls me and leavs a voice message that says basically that we dont talk much anymore so he doesnt want to go out and I was absolutely fine with that because we really didnt get to talk a lot with my job and stuff. So I get on the internet and his girlfriend IM's me! He's had a girlfriend for a week! Fucking prick!
But now about my job:
So much fun! I work at my barn from the time I get out of school till 8 every night. God, it is so much fun! I clean up horses, get them ready, occasionally help with lessons, cool down the horses, put them away, sweep and clean and just stuff like that. It keeps my super busy so I don't have to worry about eating and food.
So I have found out that I can't focus through a day with out making a list
today's to do list was:
barn/work
get folders
clean room
organise dresser
re assemble dresser
call zach
shower
find nail polish remover
paint nails
pick out clothes
homework
practice songs
clean shower
organise closet
update journals
get new sn
lots of water
find earings
pierce ears
find out cost of TASHA
call dad
start Geography hw
finish spanish menu
so far I have acomplished: barn/work, get folder, call zach, update journals, find earings, findo ut cost of TASHA, call dad....and that's all.
I have a feeling I'll be up extra late tonight doing all this stuff....
I'll update later if I get any of it done
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[12 Nov 2003|09:48pm] |
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yes, I am alive...just busy
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[05 Nov 2003|10:14pm] |
I finally have a boyfriend...it's good, but I dont know..it's just another person that I have to lie to now.
One of my friends who found out about my ED was talking to me today and trying to get me to eat...it was really weird, because I know for a fact that about a month ago, she tried to make herself throw up and cuoldn't. So I explained to her that eating for me is as hard as throwing up was for her. That it's harder for me to get it down than to get it back up. SHe didn't really understand, but she dropped it.
Gah, well I am going to go straighted my hair ... good day and good night.
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